So let’s say you’re living in Spain and you want to go out and see Europe, but you happen to have a 50 pound ball of energy called a dog. Lets just make this a hypothetical. So what do you do? Do you say “screw it” and leave your dog alone for 16 hours while you go out traipsing around drinking wine and eating tapas? Yeah, you could do that. Or, do you finagle a way to get your dog on public transportation, thereby allowing you to roam free without having to worry about your dog pooping on the kitchen table because it’s bored? I’d go with the latter. And that’s what we’ve figured out how to do here in Barcelona, so here’s a little step by step on how it works.

She seriously cannot handle herself sometimes, this happens at least once a day

The first step that you need to do is to ensure your dog has a harness. We brought one over from the US, and Taji hates it. For some reason, as soon as we put it on her, she goes from a 10 to a negative 5. You’ll need to clip the harness to a non-retractable leash. Ok, check. Then you need a muzzle. In case your little hound decides to go all Hannibal Lecter, it’s a good thing to have. It’s especially good if you plan on walking through a train station with a thousand other people, and you’re not sure how your dog will react.

Dad, why did you do this to me? What did I do?

After your dog is set, then its your turn. As I’ve mentioned earlier, you can pick up a ticket to wherever you’re going at one of the fancy little kiosks at the train station. You’ll need to figure out the departing platform once you get the ticket, otherwise your out of luck. In this instance we decided to go to a little town called Girona. Like everything in Spain, its really old and really far away, located near the foot of the Pyrenees. So, there’s that description covered. Once we got our ticket, however, we nearly ended up getting on a platform that would’ve taken us to Madrid. That would’ve gotten weird.

I still have no idea how to read this…

Ok ticket bought. Check. Now its time to find your train. Once you’re on the right platform, avoid the crowds! Because crowds are always wrong. Crowds will stand in one place and then all rush onto one car, leaving you to stand for the hour or two train ride. No, what you want to do, is aggressively push your way through the throngs of nomadic crust punks and use the fact that you have an intimidatingly looking German Shepherd to move to the front of the train. Yes, that’s exactly what you want to do. Once you’ve gotten to the front find a seat, and enjoy the ride.

She looks tired because we had to run the length of the train to find open seats before the hippies beat us to them

Once you’re on, you’re in like Flynn, so sit back and relax. Be sure to tuck your dog in between your legs though. You never know when she might decide to have a conniption, and flip out. Then you’re screwed. No one wants to be left in the Spanish equivalent of Aintry from the historical documentary Deliverance.

Why am I here?

Upon arrival to your destination, you must celebrate. A liter of beer should do the trick, don’t worry, that’s normal here. The other day, I watched a grandfatherly looking man put a liter of beer back at 10 o’clock in the morning on a Tuesday.

Can I have some dad?

After you’ve celebrated, feel free to enjoy the city with your furry friend. Be sure to keep her on the leash though. You never know what little trouble she can get into. Is there a wall? You should take her on the wall! Who cares if it’s almost a thousand years old. Go for it!

Dogs like history too!

It took us almost ten minutes to get this picture right. In case you can’t tell, that’s arrow slit she’s looking through.

It was a good sized wall.

What’s that? Oh there’s a four story tower of the same age as the wall? Let’s go climb that. Forget that the stairs are meant for one person at a time, we’re going to do that anyways.

Allow the dog to lead you down creepy pathways too

You do get a nice view. 

Feel free to continue at this point to be an overly possessive dog parent, and take more pictures of your dog in this town, than you are of yourself or your girlfriend. Because that’s normal…

Taji in a guard tower

Taji in a doorway

Taji not wanting to move. Notice the length of the leash.

Taji again not wanting to move

Taji with the girlfriend

Once your girlfriend reminds you that she is indeed a human being and therefor on a higher relationship plane than the dog, you can restart a normal human to human relationship. You might want to spend the rest of the afternoon going wherever she wants to go. That is probably your best bet.

You might have to do a little ass kissing

Oh look honey, foliage!

And that is how you successfully navigate the transportation system with a furry little companion. Next time you want to try it, enjoy. Just good luck trying to get your hound through the automatic ticketing doors.